Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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