How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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