so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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