we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
