i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
