why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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