everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
