another moral hangover. fuck.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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