As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
