Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
