ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
