My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
