so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
