Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
