Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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