I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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