Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
