he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
