just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
