you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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