I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
