I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
