Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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