it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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