i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
