the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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