yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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