If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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