this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
