I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
