Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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