Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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