Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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