So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
