and you said cock pushups were impossible
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
