I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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