Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Congratulations! We have a period
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
