apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize