dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
