I want to stick my p in your. b.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
