Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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