If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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