i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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