my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Randomize
