From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
