Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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