i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
