Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
