He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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