hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
