Non-Jews are for practice
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Randomize
