Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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