McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
