K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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