She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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