I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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