I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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