At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
