I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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