Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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