so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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