somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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