the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize