This is not my ceiling
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
