he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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