My hand turned me down
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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