All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
