I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
