3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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