I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
